Marriage, as many couples discover, brings about deep transformations in both lifestyle and personality. A recent study involving 169 newlywed heterosexual couples examined these changes in detail over an 18-month period, revealing just how much marriage can alter five key personality traits: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Interestingly, these shifts happened within less than two years, showing the impact of marriage on personality can be both profound and swift.
This article delves into the study’s findings, exploring how marriage shapes these five personality traits and why these changes may be universal and unavoidable.
The “Big Five” Personality Traits
The study focused on five major personality traits, commonly known in psychology as the “Big Five”:
- Openness – willingness to embrace new experiences and ideas.
- Conscientiousness – level of dependability, organization, and responsibility.
- Extraversion – sociability and tendency toward social interactions.
- Agreeableness – levels of patience, kindness, and cooperation.
- Neuroticism – emotional stability, including susceptibility to anxiety, moodiness, and anger.
These traits were examined at the beginning of the study and then tracked over 18 months to determine the effect marriage had on each partner.
Key Personality Changes After Marriage
Here’s a breakdown of how each trait was affected by marriage, according to the study:
1. Openness: Embracing Routine Over New Experiences
The study found that both husbands and wives experienced a decline in openness over time. This change signifies a gradual acceptance of routines as both partners settle into married life. Marriage, while fulfilling, brings a sense of stability that may reduce the need for constant exploration. In embracing the comfort of routine, many couples become less inclined to seek new and varied experiences.
2. Conscientiousness: Husbands Become More Dependable
Interestingly, husbands in particular showed a marked increase in conscientiousness. Marriage, with its responsibilities and shared goals, encourages husbands to become more dependable, responsible, and mindful of their actions. This trait, which encompasses organization and reliability, appears to be reinforced by the need to manage shared financial, emotional, and social responsibilities.
3. Extraversion: A More Inward-Focused Social Life
A decrease in extraversion was noted among both partners, as couples became less inclined toward extensive social interactions and instead focused on their relationship. This change may reflect a natural shift as newlyweds invest time in each other and reduce their engagement with large social networks. In short, marriage tends to deepen the bond between partners, making social life more intimate and centered around the couple rather than larger social groups.
4. Agreeableness: Initial Patience Declines Over Time
At the start of marriage, wives showed a high level of agreeableness—that is, patience and cooperation. However, over time, both partners showed a decrease in this trait. This shift may be attributed to the end of the honeymoon phase, as couples settle into daily life and encounter differences. Without the excitement of courtship, natural habits and quirks can resurface, sometimes causing friction and lowering patience.
5. Neuroticism: Greater Emotional Stability for Wives
The study found that marriage had a positive effect on wives’ emotional stability. Women in the study showed a decrease in neuroticism, meaning they experienced fewer feelings of anxiety, anger, and depression. For many wives, the support, companionship, and security of marriage can lead to a more balanced emotional state.
Why Marriage Brings These Personality Changes
These personality changes seem to be universal, largely unaffected by other factors such as age, the length of the relationship before marriage, cohabitation, initial marital satisfaction, or parenthood. These shifts suggest that the act of marriage itself—and the responsibilities and routines it entails—are powerful enough to influence personality traits.
Some psychologists believe that marriage can prompt individuals to become more self-aware and make adjustments to fit their new roles as partners. In this sense, marriage isn’t just a new chapter in life; it’s a transformative experience that encourages self-improvement and adaptation.
Challenges That Can Come with These Changes
- Loss of Individuality: The routine of married life can reduce spontaneity, and some may feel like they’ve lost aspects of their individual personalities.
- Decreased Social Circles: As couples prioritize each other, they may spend less time with friends and social circles, leading to a more restricted social life.
- Changing Levels of Agreeableness: Reduced patience and a decline in agreeableness can lead to conflicts as initial tolerance fades. Communication and mutual understanding become critical at this stage.
Strategies for a Successful Marriage
Despite these changes, psychologists agree that a successful marriage relies on certain skills, including self-control and forgiveness. As both partners evolve, it’s important for them to support each other’s growth and practice these core skills to keep the relationship strong. Here are some suggestions to help manage the shifts that marriage brings:
- Practice Patience and Flexibility: Marriage requires patience and a willingness to adapt as each partner goes through personal changes.
- Stay Connected Socially: To combat the decline in extraversion, stay connected with friends and family, ensuring a well-rounded social life.
- Cultivate Openness in New Ways: While routines are comforting, trying new things together can bring fresh experiences and maintain a sense of discovery in the relationship.
- Nurture Emotional Stability: Support each other’s emotional well-being by creating a safe space to express feelings and thoughts without judgment.
Conclusion: How Marriage Shapes Personality for Better or Worse
Marriage, as this study illustrates, can significantly influence personality traits in both partners. The progression toward stability, routine, and shared responsibility leads to shifts in openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. While some of these changes may feel limiting, they also reflect the transformative power of a committed relationship.
The study ultimately reveals that marriage isn’t just a legal or social contract; it’s a powerful catalyst for personal growth and change. By understanding and embracing these changes, couples can navigate married life with greater awareness, patience, and a sense of shared purpose.